We’ve Got Everything We’re Gonna Need

The beauty of life cannot be surmised with words. I struggle daily to define the course that we take in our journey – ultimately to our own demise. Life is not palpable. Life is felt, life is experienced. What makes it so intoxicating is the mere presence that we make ourselves to be. We try to make life worth living, but sometimes we become so enshrouded in what others deemed the perfect life. But in reality, there are no two lives that run parallel. We decide what’s there to make of this journey.

A momentary hold of breath and time seems to stop. Just take a second to appreciate that. Be still. Be quiet. Listen to what is beyond yourself. Life moves endlessly, seamlessly – like the steady flow of a river. And it moves only in one direction. it doesn’t make a stop, only to carry with it all that’s fallen in. That’s life – there are no halts, no pause in motion. We carry what we find along the way.

And sometimes you lose things when they get caught. You can only carry on, in hopes that you’ll find something else. And you will, after all a river never stops flowing.

Goodnight

We sing little songs,
to put ourselves to sleep.
There are no rights or wrongs,
as we delve darkness deep.
It’s a miracle of its own,
when you become at ease,
mind and bone,
And all songs will all but cease.

Goodnight.

The Beach House

A grey, blustery morning. That was how I remembered it. I had woken up on a sandy beach and as I surveyed my surroundings, the glistening wet sand caught my eye. There was something unlikely about this beach, the sand gleamed brightly even in the gloomy atmosphere. Almost as if the grains of sand were like unpolished diamonds.

I didn’t know where I was going but my feet seemed to have a sense of direction of its own. Pretty soon I reached a house that had been hidden from view at the beach. It was nestled in a cove and stood grand over me, three stories tall.

There seemed to be no bells of any sort, so I pushed the iron-wrought gates and gingerly stepped up to the door. Again, there were no bells or knockers. I hesitated, turning to look back at the sea. The winds were strong that day and the waves plummeted against the beach with great intensity. I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I turned the doorknob and pushed.

What I saw inside was contrary of what was outside. There seemed to be some sort of afternoon party going on. The house was beautiful and grand, with wooden banisters and great chandeliers suspended from high ceilings. Basked in a bright orange hue, the room was filled with people milling around talking and laughing. As I stood at the entrance, it suddenly dawned that I knew these people.

There were my every relative except for the immediate members of my family, which was odd as they were rarely left out in such occasions. Still, I was buoyant that I had found them amidst the lonely grey beach. As the door swung to a quiet thud behind me, I was suddenly grabbed by my cousin. I couldn’t seem to remember which one, but something told me she was from my dad’s side of the family.

Without speaking, she smiled and took me on a tour of the house. I wasn’t sure to whom it belonged to but every room was beautifully decorated from the carpets to the furnitures to the most intricately designed curtain tassels. When we finished the second floor, my cousin distractedly drifted away and I was left alone.

The stairs leading up to the third floor was a spiral one and at the top a zebra’s head sat where the knob would be. I couldn’t bring myself to examine to see if it was real, for the fear that it might actually be.

The entire third floor appeared to be a huge room on its own. Plush-looking beds were fitting into alcoves along the walls, with lush drapes hanging over. A different theme from the rest of the rooms, this had the feel of a Mediterranean palace.

I was suddenly awashed with exhaustion and succumbing to the inviting calls of the beds I climbed into one and shut my eyes.

***

It was probably one of the best sleeps I had but without my watch I didn’t know how long was I asleep for. Slowly, I got up and made my way downstairs. Everyone was gathered in the large living room where the big windows were. They lined the entire length of the room and looked out to the sea. Something was different now, the atmosphere had quieten down and everyone seemed to be talking in hushed tones. It was as if they were anticipating something.

Several of them begin pointing at the windows, I turned to look and at first glance nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But with some hard squinting, I could see a faint blurry line stretched across the horizon. It wasn’t the line that was unusual but how it was becoming clearer and clearer.

It didn’t take long for me to realise that it was actually a huge tidal wave. And it was fast approaching the house. I turned back to see if anyone was doing anything about it but whilst everyone seemed to noticed it, there was no sign of alarm in the room. The hushed conversations carried on, its sounds evolving into the roar of the approaching wave. It was so loud that the windows started to crack.

“It’s coming!” someone yelled. And like a tyrannical monster, the wave charged at us. It was at once beautiful and terrifying, resulting in me being unable to avert my eyes. As it made its impact, time seemed to slow down. In slow-motion, I could see the windows shatter under the pressure. A deafening roar filled the room, so loud that I couldn’t even hear myself scream. I grabbed on to what must have been the banister and braced myself.

Like a ragdoll, my body was thwarted by the force. My lungs burned as water filled every inch of its cavity. I was reeling but I held on tight. At this point I wasn’t even sure if I was still in a room surrounded by people. All I could see were flashes of white and blue, between gasps of air and the taste of seawater.

Then as quickly as it came, the water receded, as if it was being tugged away by some strong horizontal gravitational pull. Gasping hysterically, I scrambled to get onto my feet. But I was gripped by what I saw.

I was alone in the room, or what was left of it. Even outside on the beach, there was no sign of any person or body. Filled with panic, I dashed through the front door. I didn’t want to run towards the sea for the fear of another wave so I made my way around the house.

Again, I had no clue where to go so I just ran and ran. It wasn’t long before I noticed the ground was littered sporadically with tall slabs of stones. Stopping to look, I realised they were tombstones. Names were etched on them but none were familiar to me.

My head started to hurt and my knees were beginning to buckle from running. I was dripping with a mixture of sweat and seawater. Uncertain of my actions now, I ran back to the house and climbed up to the third floor. It was the only part of the house that had remained untouched. Collapsing on one of the soft beds, it only took seconds before I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

***

It was probably one of the best sleeps I had but without my watch I didn’t know how long was I asleep for. Slowly, I got up and made my way downstairs. Everyone was gathered in the large living room where the big windows were. They lined the entire length of the room and looked out to the sea. Something was different now, the atmosphere had quieten down and everyone seemed to be talking in hushed tones. It was as if they were anticipating something.

Suddenly in horror, I knew what was coming.

Maroon(ed)

Is it a crime to sit in silence
While you watch the blood spill
A red as deep as the breath taken
You want to scream but you can’t
Torn between intentions
It’s a blindness that only you see
A pain that you too feel
So real, so true
And just as the blindness fades
You realise it was you

Algebra Love

Is there a way to love? What defines the legibility of love? What terms can we take comfort in knowing that we are genuinely loved? There is no single equation to what love is. I’d like to think every individual is a unique algebra equation, with an “X” figure that remains to be solved. But the right “X” has to complement the other functions in the equation before it can be deemed solved.

And just like algebra, we get the easy ones and we get the tough ones. The more functions and unknowns present in the equation, the more weight the “X” would need to fulfill in completing the equation.

I could perhaps be oversimplifying love, I guess I just wanted to make a point that love can be easy, but it can be also pretty darn tough as well.

But that is not to say that the equation can’t be solved. It just takes a little more time and dedication.

Rescinded

Raindrops fall carelessly down. I’m curled up in my parked car, lights off, slow music in the background.

It’s one of those nights again. One where I scramble to find the misplace piece. It’s a conundrum that’s been creeping up on me of late. There’s something amiss. And I don’t know what,  or why.

Yet another pursuit to find peace of mind. But what’s there left?

That space between me and -.